Worries, pt2

We all get those nights where we cant sleep because we're worrying too much. Tonight's one of those nights. I can't stop thinking about flying and this whole summer coming up.

I've got so many hours, yet am making incredibly slow progress. I'm afraid that with the skills I currently have, I'll barely pass soloing. And then I'll feel guilty for having taken almost a HUNDRED hours to get to this point...I still feel lame about it. I guess I'm regretting what I feel at the same time, but I can't help it. I'm slowly starting to study more and be more dedicated to my work, but I'm afraid that my efforts will be inevitable and...worthless. This kind of attitude won't get me to soloing, I know that.

This is not the first time I've encountered such apprehension and frustration...I want to stop feeling this way...Sure I've made a considerable amount of progress...but there's so much left to be done.

I'm not even sure if i should work this summer because I'm so tense about soloing...maybe I'll have to talk to my parents some more about this...Maybe I'm afraid of something going terribly wrong-something not even related to the helicopter. I think I get stressed too easily...This is not the first time I've felt so tense and upset about it all...

I keep running into these problems and I'm getting annoyed.

On a brighter note-I'm going to keep persuing the management degree, and have decided to try the ATC classes later once my management degree nears completion. Also, I'm shown great interest in perusing an Storm Chasing Internship in the lower 48-for hopefully, the summer of 2010. I'm really excited about it and hope I can get accepted.

I just hope that in the end...all these efforts and emotional struggles will be worth something...