no more...

So I've officially dropped my ATC degree. Even though i was oh, 2/3's of the way done.

i did exactly what i said i wasn't gonna do. i said i was gonna wait it out and see how next semester goes, but i believe im really starting to learn how my mind works. it will not be able to handle the type of stress and pressure ATC has OTJ. *Le sigh* ill still find something good out there. I just dont think i'm controller material any more. I thought i had some traits and/or could grow into it, but some people just arent naturals. If i had done better in the 144 class id still be in it all, and far more motivated, but im not, and i see it as a sign telling me to give it up. go for something more suitable that wont make you loose tones of hair or feel shitty and stressed every-other day just thinking about what the near and distant future might hold.

i feel far more at ease just knowing its not a priority anymore ._. if i was still determined, i would definitely feel a lot more bummed. sure im a little disappointed, but there are still so many other better things i can do. A controller is not one of them. I'm not fast enough mentally, i dont think. I'm not saying i'm slow. I just dont think i have the kind of potential and brains theyre looking for.

I dont think i could be both a helicopter pilot and controller at two different points or another anyway, it doesnt work out. if i could choose between either, it would be helicopter any day. at least i KNOW i have potential with that, and i find it far more fun and worth my time and stress.

So its done.No more ATC.

If you call me a coward, ill kick you. I know what i want so leave me be.